Feb 24 2016

Buckle up and enjoy the ride

I would describe myself as adventurous.  I like roller coaster rides, especially those that go in loops.  I used to be afraid of them until I was in middle school and a friend talked me into riding one.  I was hooked after that first ride.  I was terrified and then the feeling of the adrenaline hit and it was so much fun.  I immediately wanted to ride again.  thus began my love affair with amusement parks and roller coasters.

Now, as much as I love roller coasters, I do not like ups and downs of life.  Well, at least I didn’t when I thought that I had to be in control of every aspect of my life.  Let me be clear- I like a certain amount of control, but I have definitely learned that life is more fun if you just buckle up and embrace the ride. Life is more fun if you just buckle up and embrace the ride.

God is the ultimate adventurer.  In order for us to see His creativity, just look at the aardvark and the diversity of the fish in the sea.  I think that God wants us to enjoy life and have a great adventure.  Following God and living while listening for His voice and obeying is definitely an adventure.  Once you know that you hear His voice and then do what He is asking you to do is just as exhilarating as that first roller coaster ride- terrifying and exciting at the same time. Hearing God’s voice & obeying, is like a roller coaster ride- terrifying & exciting. He didn’t create us to live a mundane existence.

The ups are exactly like the best times of your life and then the downs are the parts when you throw your hands up and scream!  You’re screaming because you are terrified, but it releases all of your emotions and it brings that adrenaline that you need to get to the next climb.  If we look at those downs as a way to regain momentum to get back to the top, then that changes our perspectives.  So the next time you feel like you are barreling down hill, take a moment to ask God what He is preparing you for as you are re-charging for the next mountaintop.  It’s even ok to scream a little and throw your hands up 🙂



Feb 10 2016

A healthier me

I am reading a few books right now, 3 to be exact.  One of them is Beni Johnson’s newest book Healthy and Free: A Journey To Wellness For Your Body, Soul and Spirit.  It awakened something in me.  It made me realize that I can feel free in one area of my life, but not in others and that as I might have more confidence in one area, I might feel so inadequate in another.  It also helped me to realize that I am not getting any younger and I really want to be the healthiest version of me that I can.  Not just spiritually, but physically as well. I want to be healthy, not just spiritually, but physically as well. #fitforme

So, an amazing woman in my small group, Emily Attwood, asked me if I wanted to join a group of women in getting healthy and learning to make some lifestyle changes.  I am happy to say that I have found that I am stronger than I thought and that with a group people to share with, I have been able to begin and maintain a regular workout schedule for over one month!!!  This is huge for me, pun intended.  I never thought that I was strong enough to do this.  When I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes more than 10 years ago, I thought that there were things that I would have to give up, that I was doomed for life and that I would forever be on a constant rollercoaster of meds, out of control emotions and neverending doctor appointments.  Yes, there have been so many times when I would just yell at God and say, ” Can I just feel normal for ONE day?!!!”  I would feel like King David in his bipolar expression of love for God and then immediate anger and large pity parties.  I would try really hard to remember that God told me that I would be healed and then I would forget just as quickly.

I’m sure this happens to all of us every once in a while and I feel like God is saying,”It’s ok.”  It’s ok to get angry, ok to have a pity party, even ok to yell at God, but the important thing is to not dwell there. It’s ok to get angry,have a pity party, even yell at God, but don’t dwell there. God knows how we feel, more importantly He knows our hearts and our desires.  I believe that His heart hurts to see us go through our rollercoasters and I love it when He goes out of His way to show us how much He loves us and is cheering us on.

I know that I can cry my eyes out to Him and He is there.  Even if I don’t feel Him, He’s there.  I also know that I He created me to be a warrior, strong and able to accomplish most anything I put my mind to. I know God created me to be a warrior, strong & able to accomplish most anything I want to. I know this because I can now hold a plank for an ENTIRE minute.  I never knew a minute could feel like such a long time, but it can.  I can complete a Plyo workout and walk the next day.  For the record, those of you who saw me after day 1 & 2 of the beginning of my new lifestyle change, you know how I could barely walk, well, I’ve added weights to those workouts 🙂

So, I am now finally stable in my workout routines, daily nutrition, and even my diabetes is “controlled”.  At this rate, I hope to be fully healed soon!  I have lost 13 pounds and almost 11 inches since I began this journey and I am so looking forward to getting my physical health up to speed with my spiritual and mental health!!! I say all of this to hopefully be an encouragement to someone out there who doesn’t feel strong enough or disciplined enough to make a change.  You can do it and God and I are both cheering you on!!!


Feb 3 2016

Sometimes life is more like a Picasso…

There are so many uncertainties in life.  We never know for sure what will happen, how it will happen or who it will happen to.  We like to try to plan things so that we can project or guess what the outcomes are and we set goals and hope to accomplish them.  I like to see the big picture.  I consider myself adventurous and most people that know me would say that I am too, but people don’t know that I actually like to see the whole picture more often than trying to guess what the picture looks like.

I love art and one of my favorite things to do in DC is to visit the different Smithsonians and art museums.  My taste varies from pop art like Peter Max to classics such as Monet or Matisse.  I love an Ansel Adams portrait as much as I love Klimdt.  I know it doesn’t make sense, but sometimes I feel like I ask God for the whole picture and I get an image that is more Dali-esque than Georgia O’Keefe!  I started to realize that God likes to show me things in pieces or in phases so that I will have to look closer at the images, or situations that I am in.  He shows me different sides of the place that I am in, forcing me to often look inward instead of outward. God shows me a different side of the situation, forcing me to look inward instead of outward.   This is not fun and it is a scary thing sometimes when you realize that you are the one that needs changing and that sometimes we are not as perfect as we think we are!

It is also a reminder of why we need God in our lives, because if we could do it all on our own, why would we need Him? When I ask God to change someone or something, I find that the person that needs changing is me and that my heart being shifted just a little can change my circumstance. When I ask God to change someone or something, I find that the person that needs changing is me.  God often tries to show us pieces of the picture so that we can see things more closely and not get overwhelmed by the entirety of it all.  I think that He is so gracious to make sure that we can handle the piece that we have before He gives us more.  It reminds me that I can be happy with my piece and look to others to see if their pieces fit mine to make a beautiful picture.


Jan 27 2016

The hardest thing to say

So, since we had almost 20 feet of snow here in the DMV area (depending on whose measurement data you follow) there has been a lot of time for reflection. Almost too much time, along with too many hours of TV, Hulu, Korean dramas, movies and whatever else you can do whilst enduring a blizzard. I even had time to crochet a new scarf for upcoming blizzards and freezes. I digress.
Reflection, that’s where I was going. I learned something about myself when I turned 40. Something that I feel like would have helped me immensely in my 20s. I learned that there are some really hard things that we have to say to people and to ourselves sometimes. Sometimes we need to say goodbye to people, places and things. I know alot about this since it seems that throughout my life I have been saying goodbye to people every few years (such is the military lifestyle). Sometimes we need to say things to friends about their behavior, in love, so that they can see beyond their circumstance or situation. Sometimes we need to say things to ourselves so that we stop repeating patterns that are unhealthy and hold us back from becoming everything we can be. Sometimes we need to say things to ourselves to stop repeating patterns that hold us back.

One of the hardest things for me to say is , “No”  Well, it used to be a lot harder!  I have learned to practice saying this and it has saved me several times from over committing myself, over indulging and even setting some boundaries in my life.  I had a severe case of the FOMS- fear of missing something- for a long time.  I felt like I would miss some sort of excitement, miss being a part of something epic or even missing out on an experience.  I also felt like I would disappoint people or if I said no that nobody else would do it.  The idea that somebody might be able to do something better than me or people would like others better than me always made me feel like I had to say , “Yes”.  I would constantly over commit myself and stress out about how to fit everything into my schedule because I wanted to make sure that I never disappointed anyone.

God showed me that every time I say Yes to something, I am saying No to something else. God showed me that every time I say Yes to something, I am saying No to something else. He showed me that the important things in life were the ones that were ending up on the No list, or more like, the leftovers list.  The leftovers of my time, focus and my heart.  I freely gave so much of myself to others, often at the sake of losing myself.  A lot of my bad decisions resulted in my inability to say No.  I let people, thoughts, and things get the best of me and not what God had for me or who He had for me.

Not knowing who you are and placing your value in what you do or don’t for that matter is a huge distraction from all the Yeses that are out there.  Learning to be intentional about your Yeses and more frequent in your Nos can be enlightening.  The more you practice it, the more you get better at it.  I have learned that there are people that are waiting for you to say no so that they can say yes and step up to new opportunities.  It’s ok if they even do it better than I could, in fact, I hope that they do!  So, don’t take it personally when I say no to you or something that you need me to do.  I prayerfully think about each request and have made sure that I stop giving out leftovers to God, others and to myself.

Jan 20 2016

I am a promise

There was this song that I learned as a kid.  “I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a promise, with a capital P, I am a great big bundle of potentiality!”  The Gaither Vocal Band sang this song and I loved it.  You can check it out here. I learned it and happily sang it and it still comes to mind when I am in doubt.  Thank you, for those of you in the Jesus movement that helped make some of those songs such catchy tunes.  I love that this song can probably be sung by so many people from memories when they were a kid!

Every day we have a choice in how we live that day.  If I relied on my emotion of how I felt that day, it might look very different than if I woke up feeling great and had a great night sleep.  Trust me, there are some days when I am thankful that I can remember to be thankful instead of wallowing in my complaints of how so and so has more than I do or how we would love to feel normal for just one day.  It’s hard to have faith for the things you have been waiting for if it seems like you have been waiting a very long time. It’s hard to have faith for things when you feel you’ve been waiting a very long time.  It’s even harder sometimes to be truly happy for those that are getting or doing the things you are waiting for in your own life.

Often we get so bogged down with busyness and life that we forget that we have so much more in store for us and we settle for ok.  We learn to live with mediocre and not really fulfilling all that we can be or even close to what God has for us.  We get comfortable and we learn to navigate around all of the potholes in our lives by swerving around them instead of looking for a way to repair or repave the roads. We get comfortable & learn to navigate around potholes in our lives instead of fixing them. I am thankful that I have some amazing people in my life that really believe in me.  They are the roadcrew of my life.  They are the ones that help me tear up the worn out roads and help repave them. They remind me of the promises that God has given me.  They are also the ones that can tell me to suck it up and put on the big girl pants.  Sometimes they are the ones who have more faith for the things that I am waiting for than I do!

This is what I have learned to do.  Write down the promises that I have been given by God.  Read them out loud over myself, sing them over myself if I have to ( thank you – Julie Meyer) and know that as I learn to “listen and hear God’s voice and am trying to make the right choices” that I am being cheered on by my roadcrew and that I am a part of others’ roadcrews and need to do the same thing for other people.  A little encouragement can go a long way and I promise you that will make all the difference.

Jan 13 2016

My Word for the year…drumroll…

For the past few years, I have  resolved to no New Years Resolutions. I know, it’s contradictory even as a statement.  But the disappointment of not completing a goal or even being further behind on a promise I made to myself was making me feel like a failure.  I would literally add things to my checklist that I had already done just so I could check it off. I mean who does that? No judgement here if you do 🙂 .
So, a few years ago I heard my pastor, Mark Batterson, tell us that he doesn’t do resolutions. I got so excited when he said it! He said he does do a word and a Bible verse for the year. I loved the idea and have since embraced it as my own. It’s like I get to create a theme for my year. Of course, not only would I have a word and a verse, but in true Lauren form, I have would choose a song too. Kinda like my theme song if I was a tv star or an MLB player going up to bat.

The problem was, with a whole dictionary full of words, how could I choose just one to define my year?  And how would I know if I picked the right one?  Would my one word define my experiences for the whole year and would God be pleased with my choice?  Would the word I chose be the one that God would choose for me?  I realized that I was completely overthinking the simplicity of choosing one word over a list of demands to put on myself.  So, I simply asked God, “What word would you have for me this year?”  And low and behold, I heard an answer.  My word for the last two years was the same.  LOVE.  Apparently I needed to really embrace what that meant, not only for me, but for others as well.  I also had to learn how to love God even when I didn’t FEEL like He was loving me at that moment.  I learned the truth:God is still God even when I don’t feel like He is being God to or for me. God is still God even when I don’t feel like He is being God to or for me. WOAH, this was some crazy deep revelation that I had a hard time swallowing.  God was still God and He loved me, even when I couldn’t feel His presence?  Even when I felt like my dreams had been waylaid?  Even when those we love die unexpectedly?  Even when I see others healed and I am still waiting for my own healing? Yes, even then.

So, as I explained before, I am a lifelong learner and I learned in the last 2 years that Love really is all we need, so to speak.  Once we learn to love ourselves as God loves us, it gets easier to love those around us.  After some time in prayer and worship , I knew what my word for 2016 was going to be….  HOPE.  In a world where people live everyday without it, I have taken advantage of this life, this blessing of living, in contentment and striving.  I am being intentional to bring this into every aspect of my life.

My word for 2016- HOPE.

My verse – Hebrews 6:11 MSG: And now I want each of you to extend that same intensity toward a full- bodied hope, and keep at it till the finish.

My song- Louie Armstrong: “It’s a Wonderful World”

Hope along with me, y’all.  Let’s be intensely hopeful for a better world and a beautiful restoration of HOPE.  Hope along with me. Be intensely hopeful for a better world & beautiful restoration of HOPE.

Jan 6 2016

I choose

I choose to BeLoved.

Everyone has told me that I should start a blog.  I love reading and I love writing, but what qualifies me to write something that people want to read, much less share what I have to say with others?  Who am I?  That thought has been a lifelong learning lesson and I’m sure that I am not done discovering who I am.

The thing that I have learned is that putting people into categories, types, systems and personalities makes people comfortable.  In reality, we can’t fit into nice compartmentalized lists for people to check off when they need someone in their life from that certain category or group.  People are complicated; life experiences tend to make us want to identify ourselves or name ourselves based on our circumstances or past. People are complicated;experiences make us identify us based on our circumstances or past. Add ethnicity, education, likes and wants to that list and we start to resemble people who are riddled with contradictions of who or what we think we are.  Associations with certain people, groups, religious and political affiliations shape how people perceive us.  People like to try to know who you are or what you are about so that they can figure you out, assess you, and then try to relate to you so they can make themselves more at ease. People like to know what you are about then they can assess you,relate & make them more at ease.

I am…  female, Korean- American, short, full figured, expressive, animated, brash, opinionated, a liberal Republican, a conservative Democrat, a Christ follower, a lover of adventure, corny, sarcastic, a loud laugher, a survivor of sexual assault, a reformed people pleaser, a past liar, a former substance abuser, an overcomer, a visionary, a lover of politics, a licensed minister,  an advocate for the voiceless, a supporter of drug free communities, impulsive, spontaneous, contemplative, melancholy, bohemian, a giver, a helper, a servant, a leader, hopeful, optimistic, a realist, a tree hugger, an earth lover, a Krystal lovin’ foodie, a community advocate, a grass roots leader, an encourager, a military spouse, a military brat, a constant interrupter, an international friend, a lover of house music, a wannabe dj, a motivational speaker, a healer, a teacher, someone who breaks into random song, a lover of puns, brie, chamoy and kimchi.

These are things that I can let define me so that someone can fit me in their lists, or I can believe that I am all of those things and so much more.  I am not defined by my circumstance or experience but who God created me to be and that is to BeLoved and to Be Love to others. I am not defined by my circumstance or experience but by God to BeLoved & Be Love to others.

I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out where I belong or what group I belong to and I realized this.  God created me with so many passions.  It’s almost as if He created me with the passion for living and discovering.  Actually, He did.  I love life and every aspect of it.   If you know me, you know that wherever I am, I am there 100%.  I may not love baseball, but if I am at a game, I am there for the experience, the clothes, the food, the friends, and the team.  I might not know all the words to “Take me Out to the Ballgame”, but I am going to sing the parts I know and really loudly.

I am Lauren, lover of life and a lifelong learner.  Looking forward to loving on you, doing life with you and now I can add Amateur blogger to my list.


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